THE SUN ALWAYS WINS. By November, the threat of hurricanes usually goes away in South Florida, and the monsoon gives way to a brief patch without the daily threat of rain. It wouldn’t be fair to call this period “autumn,” let alone “winter,” mostly out of respect for every other area in the country. It isn’t even fair to call it “dry season,” except on a purely relative level. Still, the end of the year brings the thrill and threat of chilly weather. TV meteorologists ride a manic high as they trot out well-worn banter: Well, Amalia, we all know a white Christmas isn’t in the cards, but Santa might bring us some truly wintry temps this week. Snowbirds wait until midmorning to chain smoke on the beach. Chongas and octogenarians unite in their sudden fondness for giant perfume-drenched coats. Everyone from Boca Raton to Homestead manifests the worst aspect of Miami-area culture: touting low-stakes success in the face of imaginary enemies. Millions of people clog the highways, turning their air conditioning dial to red as they crow to themselves, Nobody thought we had it in us, but here we are.
Yelena Saffitz found the whole situation moronic. She had moved down from Pittsburgh for law school a decade earlier and became ensnared in the state’s seemingly endless need for attorneys willing to handle business disputes. By the time she made partner at Rodriguez, Albern & Clark, she had already put money down on a condominium. Every year she hated the
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KJ Shepherd is a writer and historian. You can find their other work in New Maps, Contingent, Protean, Wussy, Stanchion, and elsewhere. They are also a cohost of the queer film podcast and IFC Center film series Cruising the Movies. They no longer live in Florida.